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The beauty of being far

Side effects of being homesick may include rambling writings 

    When it's been a little while since I've last been home, I see my friends and family in the little things that surround me. Right now, I'm thinking of my mom as I listen to Bruce Springsteen in my headphones while I sit in my bed. I think of my grandma as the lamp that lights up my room is from her cottage. I miss my friends while I gaze at the little drawings they drew and photos of us that are taped on the wall beside my bed. I think of my dad whenever I put on a record that sits on the record stand he gave me. 

    Whenever I have new friends over who have yet to see my room, I'm so proud of everything that makes it up. I feel as though my room is a book and I'm the storyteller. If you haven't heard it yet, my script usually sounds like "The vanity was free on the side of the road! I took it home and fixed it up," "I also found my bedside table on the road for free and my dad made it look pretty" and even "I found the mirror at an antique store and the flower paintings were second hand." 

    I like to think it's a slice of home in this new space. It's my corner for the days when I long to be where things are familiar to me. 

    But, I have learned the beauty in finding new things familiar. The way our wooden apartment floor creaks with every step due to age and the many people that have lived here before us. I find ease in the walk to campus; the walk that has given me time to think on bright days and turn my brain off on the cloudy ones. I look forward to seeing the stained glass in the windows of the houses within the block to the canal. I get so excited for Sophia and I's new weekly routine of study time life updates and conversations that make me ponder for the rest of the day. I can't wait for the days where I get to see Abby G and our lives blend together as we make jokes about our friends here and old friends from high school. I feel like our shared experiences make us understand each other more in little ways. I like how I see parts of myself in Ben's room; my rings left on a windowsill and my clothes in a drawer. I bask in the mornings where I can go for a walk, alone. Music in my ears and a coffee in my hand. The simple things that make my life blissful. 

    I look forward to coming back to my apartment and seeing my roommates. I like sharing the tiny and beautiful kitchen with Dhanya, lingering by Sophie's tall bedroom door and catching a conversation with Gracie as she puts her shoes on by the front door. I find peace in brewing an espresso at the machine in the morning and admiring our apartment. Every morning I admire it. The tall ceilings and the natural light. But the thing I savour the most about our apartment are the moments where we can be together (because it's the sweetest thing). I don't think we have all been able to spend time together recently as a group because we've all been so busy. But, tonight, the stars aligned and we all happened to have dinner at the same time at the table together. 

☆

    It's such a funny thing to know that I can find comfort in the familiarity of a city that I have lived in for 2 full years of school. Yet, in my third year, I don't make it a point anymore to not call my apartment home. I don't hesitate to call it home now as the people I live with and I surround myself are my home. And god I love it. I love feeling independent as I do simple things like buy my own groceries and clean my apartment. It makes me excited for my future. For new opportunities and for new homes and new people to meet. 

    I know I'm so lucky to be here and to have all of this to love. I feel that love and luck everyday, in some way. 

    So, when the months have stretched on and I feel the urge to go home to Ariss, I linger in my room a little longer. I listen to the music my friends and family love and I send them texts. But, I let the two homes blend together as I go on a walk and call my grandma. I walk and see all of my favourite sights and tell her that I can't wait to see her and everyone over Thanksgiving. We agree that it's important to move away as you learn so much about yourself and how life needs to challenge you. I know that she is wise so to hear this from her means I have done something right (so far) in my life.

    No matter how many times in first year I felt the hollowness of missing home and all that's made of it eat me up, I'm glad it never devoured me and sent me back home forever. I'm eternally grateful that I decided to stay and can appreciate so many new things. I won't think about how different my life could have been, instead I will listen to Bruce Springsteen and look at the drawings on my wall while I think about Thanksgiving's pumpkin pie. 






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