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I Have A (Nearly) All Hate Relationship With My Phone

    In the past 5 or so months, I've become more aware about my screen time and why I use my phone. In the summer, I spent a lot of time working and being with friends so I didn't have much down time to use my phone. But, especially in the fall, I noticed that I was using my phone and social media a lot more. During that time, I think I was using it as a distraction because I was not loving my situation and I would use social media as a way to not think about how I was actually feeling. Sounds healthy.

    With new classes, I have started an Introduction to Media Studies, which I have really loved so far. I think I love the class so much because I'm interested in the content, but also the professor is very quirky and engaging. I find that I'm actually looking forward to his classes (which is kinda a new thing for me). I've found it's one thing to be a bit excited about a class but that spark usually fizzes out and burnout bleeds in instead. But, I think this class is different because of the professor. I have been thinking about writing this for a while but his lecture from the other day really lit the spark. 

    This class is very different. In the introduction lecture, he encouraged students to close their computers and to not write notes. He kept saying that there was no need because the average person would continue to type their notes and be stuck in their screen, but to be more than average would mean to close the computer and to be fully immersed in the lecture. Another way in which the course is very different is its reflectiveness. We don't have big assignments or exams, but rather tiny assignments throughout each week which are personal and about each student. So far each assignment has involved a variety of questions, but the consistent ones revolve around each student's screen time, what content they were consuming and on what platform and how that makes them feel in the moment. Everytime I record how my screen time makes me feel, I wonder why I even use my phone. It honestly has made me question so many things about myself. When I'm old, far, far into the future, I don't want to regret misuing my time for something that usually makes me feel like shit for an average of 2-4 hours a day. 





    I had a conversation about this with two friends a few nights ago at the dining hall when I was telling them about my media class. I voiced that there are times when I go on a walk or to class and want to leave my phone in my room, but I bring it every time because what if someone needed to reach me? What if they call and I can't pick it up? What if I make someone else worried that I'm not responding to my texts for a few hours? What if I'm out on a walk and have the urge to take a photo for Instagram but it's not in my pocket? I can't believe that out of this whole world these are the questions I face. It sounds lucky as I'm writing this. During this conversation a friend mentioned that if she goes anywhere without her phone, she feels naked and I know it sounds weird but that's the best way to put it. Why does something so small (and negative) have such a huge grip on my identity? 

    I think during these conversations it's important to separate two things. There are basically two reasons why I use my phone: 1) To connect with friends and family through texting, FaceTime and calls, 2) Social media. I like my phone in the sense that it gives me the opportunity to easily communicate with loved ones, especially since moving far away from home. When I moved away from home, being able to talk to my loved ones through the phone provided me with comfort. It was something that I looked forward to and helped me when I felt lost. This is the main reason as to why I wouldn't get rid of my phone. 



    On the other hand, the other reason as to why I use my phone is for social media, which I find often does more bad than good. A great way to put this was said by Chamath Palihapitiya in the 2020 Netflix documentary The Social Dilemma, which highlights how companies like Facebook and Instagram model their apps to create an addicting platform for consumers. Palihapitiya, who was the Vice President of Growth at Facebook (he created technology which increased user time), said that "We curate our lives around this perceived sense of perfection because we get rewarded by these short term signals (hearts, likes, thumbs up) and we conflate that with value, and we conflate it with truth. And instead what it really is is fake, brittle popularity that's short term and leaves you even more, and admit it, vacant and empty before you did it because then it forces you into this vicious cycle where you're like "What's the next thing I need to do now? Because I need it back."" I fear that this cycle will never end and I will be consumed by it. I don't want it to consume me. 



    So, why do I keep reaching for my phone? Literally as I write this, I want to open my phone that's beside me and check for texts or go on Instagram. Something that I think is important to remember is that social media apps are a company and the more time that you spend on them, the more money they make. They aren't just something that is a non-profit and no money is being made. Just like Walmart and the Gap and Indigo, these companies are created because profit is able to be made. So, designers of these platforms created them in a way that keeps you addicted and constantly checking in. In the documentary, Justin Rosenstein, who was a former engineer for Facebook, Google and the co-founder of Asana, says that "They [the advertisers] pay in exchange for showing their ads to us. We're the product. Our attention is the product being sold to advertisers." A moment later, Jaron Lanier, who is the Founding Father of Virtual Reality and a Computer Scientist, mentions that Rosenstein's explanation is too simple and the product being sold is "The gradual, slight, imperceptible change in your own behaviour and perception." Considering this, I think as a consumer it's easy to not think about how money is made on social media. Most social media apps are easily accessible due to a lack of subscription fees (for most, depending on the platform), which is encouraging to people and makes people use them easily. People like free things and this also means that social media isn't only accessible for the higher class or only certain areas of the world. Social media is a tool for globalization and ties together a variety of billions of different people (ex. different locations, different classes, different languages, different values, etc.). This is something that is talked a lot about in my Politics and Globalization class because as technology has advanced, our world has become more interconnected. 

    I think that this is amazing, depending on how it's used. For example, if I can watch an educational video (or even for entertainment) from someone across the world from me, I can develop my understanding about different people and their cultures. But, that also comes with access to the bad. For example, I can then access pictures of a variety of people around the world who represent different beauty standards, which then makes me stare at myself in the mirror for a few minutes after. As I've gone through my teenage years (I say as I'm only 18), this has gotten better and I don't compare myself as much anymore, but it still isn't easy and I know of others who struggle heavily with this. Social media is filled with filters and highlights that are unrealistic but still create many body image issues for the public. Especially considering that very young children are now on the internet, I feel for the young girls who see photos of older woman and then question their worth. They need a big hug and someone to tell them that what they're seeing isn't realistic and they're beautiful as is. 

    Another aspect of social media that has affected my life is my attention span. I have found that the more that I used social media, especially throughout the pandemic, I struggled to focus on things that didn't involve my phone. Even still I find it hard to concentrate in class without checking my phones every few minutes or taking breaks when I study to check Snapchat. The Child Mind Institute recorded that a "Recent study found that the mere presence of a smartphone reduces a person's ability to focus." (Child Mind Institute). I have seen my phone light up a few times beside me when looking for that article and picked it up to check my texts. How ironic. As I'm studying, I've been trying to make a habit of moving my phone away from me because even if I see it and feel slightly bored I'm suddenly compelled to stop my work and scroll. Not only do I take longer to get my work done (which getting work done always makes me feel better), but I often feel worse when I use my phone and even after I put it down. 

    I have talked to friends and read articles about other teenagers who feel the same way. It's found that my generation experiences higher rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm and suicide, which can be connected with the increase of social media use in the early 2010's. My generation is the first to be experiencing these events because we've grown up with these devices and depend on them. But, many others are realizing these effects and wanting to change their habits (which is a main reason as I'm writing this is because I hope I'll change my habits). When I was scrolling on Instagram a while ago I read a post by the New York Times about the Luddite Club, who are a group of students in New York City who try to decrease their screen time or even use flip phones. 


    Going back to the previous point about separating the two reasons for using a phone, I think that the way that this group has gone about this is amazing. Personally, I don't think I would consider using a flip phone but it still gives people the opportunity to communicate with others (or make calls in need of emergency). I think that with this there is balance because either way there is importance placed on decreasing screen time, which I believe would benefit most people. I've been trying to use my phone less (less social media, but still texting with friends) and I'm excited to see if I will see a change for the good in my mental health and in my attention span. 

    To be honest, I could probably write many different posts about all the different negative elements of social media because they're never ending and connected. But, this must end somewhere. I now have app limits in place on my phone and I've started to become more aware of my habits of when I use my phone. I'm trying to stop using it as a distraction or if I'm bored. Hopefully this means that I read and write more. 

    How does your phone make you feel? 

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