Female Friendships, Sex and Lifestyle
Recently, I have started watching the late 90's hit show, Sex and the City. And since I started watching it, I had become a little bit obsessed because it's such an easy watch. If you haven't seen it, the show follows a group of 4 women in their early 30's in New York. An aspect of the show that I love is the difference in opinion and lifestyles between the 4 characters. There is the main character, Carrie Bradshaw, played by Sarah Jessica Parker, who is the narrator and a writer for a sex and realtionship column. Then, there is Samantha Jones, played by Kim Cattrall, who is a borderline sex addict who is never on the hunt for a relationship, just good sex. Another one in the group is Charlotte York, played by Kristin Davis, who is the most conservative out of the 4 and is always looking for a relationship with the end goal of meeting her future husband. Lastly, there is Miranda Hobbes, played by Cynthia Nixon, who is the most rational of the group and career oriented. The characters each add a variety of opinions to the show and create diverse situations. They balance each other out.
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From what I've been able to understand, when Sex and the City was released, it was revolutionary for the time. Firstly, it was empowering for women in the sense that it was the first time (in mainstream media) where realistic female friendships were the main focus of the different plotlines of the characters. As viewers see each character try (and fail) to navigate the dating scene in New York, we also see how this brings them closer together. They're constantly there for each other after every failed relationship, whether that's a shoulder to cry on or laughing about it over drinks, the only constant element of the show is their commitment to each other. One of my favourite lines in the show is when Charlotte had just suffered a break up and over breakfast with the group she said "Don't laugh at me, but maybe we could just be each other's soulmates? And then we could just let these men be these great, nice guys to have fun with?"
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I think that this message for young women is super important because I believe that cherishing friendships (especially female friendships) is essential to growing and having a support system. As one goes through life, they will experience many different relationships and the truth is that people will be in and out of your life. That's why when things like that happen, it's so important to have people there for you to support you through it. When I think about some of the harder times that I've had, I don't know how I would've got through it without my friends. I think especially as a woman, having female friendships is something that I value a lot because I find that I connect with other women more about certain issues, or even just in the everyday aspects of life.
The other aspect of Sex and the City that is empowering for women is the way that it displays women and their relationships to sex. In a way, this show was one of the first times where women having/discussing casual sex was seen in the media, especially the mainstream media. It was so refreshing to see women discussing sex and laugh about it. This theme is seen in most episodes because each one revolves around a certain issue that one (or multiple) of the main characters are conflicting with. Some titles of episodes include 'Three's A Crowd,' 'Twenty Something Girls vs. Thirty Something Women' and 'The Fuck Buddy.' And in each of these episodes, the characters experience issues and inner conflicts that are actually revelant and realistic. When one of the girls is met with a struggle, they all have a conversation about it, which promotes open communication. I think that Sex and the City was empowering in the way that it showed that women like having sex and it's important to feel comfortable when talking about it.
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Although there are many aspects of Sex and the City that I love and that I think are important for women to see, there are a few outdated ideas in the show. An example of this is the four main characters of the show are all white, slender women. This isn't surprising because it was a show produced in the late 90's, it's still noticeable when I watch it now. I think that if there was more diversity in race and body size, the show would be more relatable. It's so important for shows to have diversity and representation because viewers feel more accepted and seen for who they truly are. Though representation is being seen more in current mainstream media, there are still instances where media lacks it.
In addition to a lack of representation amongst race and body size, the show also harmfully represents those in the 2SLGBTQIA+ community. Recently, I watched one scene where Carrie was dating this one man, who mentioned that he was bisexual during their date when they talked about their past lovers. I found it interesting that after that conversation, viewers had to listen to Carrier's negative thoughts about dating a bisexual man. When she talked about it the next day with the rest of the girls, all of them dismissed his identity of being bisexual by saying that he should just 'pick a side' and 'they all end up gay anyways.' Then, Carrie's only defense to liking him revolved around the fact that he was a good kisser. This type of language on screens is very problematic because viewers who idolize the characters can begin to agree with the ideas presented in the show and later incorporate them in their lives.
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Another element of the show in which I think it lacks empowerment for women is the way that the characters feel so connected to their physical appearance and therefore, their status. It's presented in many scenes throughout the show that the four women (specifically the main character, Carrie) are constantly worried about their clothing and the brand of their clothes. For example, Carrie is consistently buying shoes whenever she feels down or is presented with a problem. The lifestyles that these women live are not sustainable. It's seen that Carrie still shops for expensive shoes, even when she has to spend all of her savings on an apartment. Overall, the lifestyles that they each live are problematic and show that their addiction to clothing and looks influences their financial decisions.
Credit: From Size Zero to Wise Hero
As a final conclusion, I think that Sex and the City can be positive and negative to women. I think that if the big ideas that you take away from the show are the importance of (female) friendships and having a support system in your life, the show is a great watch. But, like everything else in life, it does come with some previously mentioned negatives. Although I'm not dismissing these elements of the show (they're horrible and not acceptable), it was the ideas of the times that the show was produced in so it's not very shocking. All in all, I think some aspects of the show are great and some need to be talked about more. It surprised me when considering how influential the show was when it was released, that there are some really great parts of it and so many negatives.
And with all of this, I think that the show can be inspiring and relatable for women, but also needs to be recognized in it's faults.
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